Like the attendees, I had made my way to the venue after spending a day at work. It had been a tiring week but I was determined to show up for one simple reason. Because it was important to me. 

I was young and lost once

More than two decades ago I moved from Washington DC to the San Francisco Bay Area to begin my first real job. I was in my  late twenties, and had just found out that I was pregnant. Without the support of a local family and friends network or older women friends to guide me about what lay ahead, I was scared and anxious. 

For most women, becoming a mother is the one life event that impacts their life and careers more than anything else. A lot has to do with inequities in the workplace including lack of adequate maternity benefits, good quality daycare and job flexibility but it also has to do with gender-based conditioning, cultural expectations and the disproportional burden of childrearing that usually falls on women.

The first few months after childbirth were exhausting but uneventful because I had my mother’s support at home. When she left, I felt bereft. Amma had been happy to be a homemaker and asked me to enjoy motherhood by giving up my job. But I had worked hard for my Ph.D. and loved my job; there was no way I could entertain her suggestion. I needed someone to validate my perspective, someone who could truly understand my motivation and my dilemma. In the days before LinkedIn and online social groups, it wasn’t easy to find such people.

Yet, I persisted. I spoke to colleagues, many of whom were working moms. A colleague gave me a phone number to call that could give me a list of daycare centers near my home or office. Another recommended a place where I could get career advice in case I was looking for a change from my lab-based job. That’s how I found myself at a weeknight session to listen to people speak about various topics of direct relevance to young working women like me. And that made a huge difference.

All you need is a little encouragement

Finding a community that makes you feel like you belong is a lifelong search. Like many young people, I had enjoyed the adventure of leaving home, moving to a distant country and figuring out a career path but there came a time when what I wanted was comfort, safety and understanding. 

While most of the people in those sessions didn’t look like me or share my cultural background, their current lives mirrored mine. I found useful information and nuggets of inspiration from them. But I also got what I needed most, confirmation that I was not alone and validation that my struggles were real.

The world of work has changed considerably since those experiences. Back then when I logged off from my desktop computer and drove home, I could leave my work behind. Before laptops and wifi  and smartphones took over every single minute of every single day regardless of whether you were at work or home, I could truly switch off and maintain distance from my office, allowing me time (and permission) to focus on myself and my family. With flexible work options, there is some level of ease but also an expectation to be always connected and therefore, always available.

While the gender pay gap may have reduced in the last two decades, there is still considerable gender inequity across the world. And with people moving across countries for career advancement, multicultural workplaces and the challenges of being an immigrant are faced by many more workers.

The wheel of time keeps turning

The young woman who approached me to be the guest speaker at the “Design Your Blueprint” session in Singapore was not a professional acquaintance. She knew me as ‘the Aunty who is a scientist and a writer”. But she had read my articles, was familiar with some parts of my back story, and was aware that my career had spanned three countries. I felt honored and humbled.

When I reached the venue wearing one of my favorite sarees and my trademark bindi and saw the varied group of women in the audience, I realized how far I had come. I was once in an audience like this – a young woman brimming with ambition and confusion in equal measure, full of enthusiasm to experience life but not sure what it was that I wanted from it or how to fit it all in. 

Was I really on the other side now? Had I figured out my own life sufficiently to share my stories with them?

In an informal question and answer interview format, they asked many questions. How does one adjust personal goals when life throws unexpected challenges? What can one do to build resilience? How can you live a life without regret?

I answered as truthfully as I could. Perhaps it resonated with some while the others didn’t quite get it. All I could do was speak honestly of my journey and the lessons I learned from it. My presence in a saree was a statement and a testament of my own commitment to be true to myself and show the ones in the audience that they could do it too. While the Indian origin women in the audience may have been a minority, I know that representation is important. But most important of all, is showing up. 

By showing up for something a little outside my comfort zone, I stood for myself and for all the women of the next generation who were looking for exactly the things I had once been seeking. 

Living a coherent life – one in which who you are, what you believe and what you do are in sync, has been my goal. I am not there yet but with each passing year, I feel more committed to this philosophy.

This piece was originally published at India Currents.